Still Quarantined…………

Still Quarantined…………

So I have counted 49 days since I was last in an office working! As I approach the 50th day, I am feeling it, the boys are feeling it, the whole of the team I manage are feeling. The only thing free to roam wildly, is my cat Inna. She is oblivious to what the household is experiencing as she comes and goes as she pleases, sleeps and eats her food. Ru however, is really beginning to struggle with the home schooling which I mentioned in my last blog post which can be found here. We now have quite a loose schedule. The other night whilst reflecting, it dawned on me that he had not done any writing practice for the past four weeks. Therefore, I pulled away from that home learning pack and personally planned activities that he could do for the next day. Let us get this straight; all of these activities require me to supervise and encourage him, which then means I cannot do my own work. My work has to be done at some point and this can be quite challenging. Being a working mother means carrying guilt about not spending as much time with the children. I have worked hard to overcome this, but the lockdown seems to have brought back these feelings and exaggerated them. I feel guilty if I have not worked as much as I feel I should have, guilty that I am ignoring my boys for the laptop or take a phone call, guilty that I am not engaging with them enough or teaching them enough, guilty as I just want a moment alone to scroll Instagram or guilty that I am not juggling all my hats properly. At the moment I feel that winning in one aspect of our new found life, means I am failing in a number of others……. I know I am not alone in this.

Ri enjoying blowing a dandelion on one of our daily walks

The NHS has envisioned that the mental health impact of this lock-down, will be effecting people for years to come. With media reports that up to 150,000 individuals will die from non Covid-19 cases over this year, such as depression, domestic violence and suicide as a result of the lock-down, it really makes me wonder just how much life will change after the lock-down has eased. I would love life to return as it was before but realistically – people are going to be apprehensive about the future. The purpose of the lock-down was not really about protecting us, but ensuring that the NHS was not overwhelmed and able to cope with the numbers getting the virus. The threat of COVID-19 will not have disappeared because the number of deaths related to it have been reduced. So what happens now? I look forward to the day I can be back in a crowded restaurant have drinks with my girls over an amazing brunch or that I am able to go on a cinema date and not be worried about catching a mysterious deadly virus. This was my life just a few months ago and I have hope that this will be my life in the not too distance future. It will be a future when I say yes to all the invitations I get or that I neglect housework in favour of taking the boys to an amusement park or swimming. Also where I will not have to wait six months to see my parents or weeks to see my besties and I can hug them all. Then I can look forward to hearing kids laughing on the swings of the playground and celebrate my birthday in style!

Photo by Dan Meyers on Unsplash

On the subject of birthdays, in less than two weeks I will be entering the fourth floor (as a close friend calls it). When I was 21, it seemed like so far away – I had visions of all these goals I would have achieved at this point. During my life’s journey, I have come to realise that these dreams and goals were not mine but society’s expectations. Now I can reflect on the past 19 years and think – Damn! you did your own thing. I may not have always made good choices, but I have always learnt lessons to carry into the future. As I enter my birthday under lock-down, I feel a sense of sadness; I was so looking forward to celebrating my big 4-0. Those of you who grew up with, me are aware that an amazing friend of mine died in her late 20’s. This particular person loved life and was ride or die. She celebrated life daily and is the main reason why every birthday I choose to mark the occasion. I always feel truly blessed that I made it this far when there are so many fallen soldiers, which is why my 40th will feel bittersweet. I am grateful to be alive (especially at this time), but am sad I cannot go big to mark the occasion, or can I?

If you have any ideas of how I can celebrate my 40th under quarantine, please share below.

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9 thoughts on “Still Quarantined…………

  1. As always I live reading your blog Juli. I always feel exactly the same as you (maybe because we are family). Working from home or at home trying to work, is never easy. I try and wake up before E but sometimes she wakes up early with me and won’t go back to sleep. At the end of the day I can only try my best. I have decided that each morning I am going to do something to uplift and fill me before the day is done because if I am filled and uplifted, I will have something positive to share and pour out into my house hold.

    In addition, we love celebrating birthdays. Elsie is turning 4 and I had planned a massive Elsie gymnastics party which is clearly cancelled. We are going to have to do an alternative but we are making sure there is some way We see family and friends virtually for a big happy birthday. Have your zoom party, dress up, tell everyone to bring one and paper because it’s going to be a Juli quiz. Virtual scavenger hunt is hilarious with adults especially after a few shots.
    Tell people to have their shots ready.
    Have your music playing for all to hear.
    Dress up and give yourself a lockdown lewk hunny!
    Using zoom you can play pictiinary with the share screen feature.
    Each mile stone will be one to remember, this time you will need to be more creative but I’m sure it can still be one to remember and the spirit of your beloved friend will be with you whatever transpires on your big day.

    1. Thank you for reading, I truly appreciate it. I love the idea of a Juli quiz and think this may be the way to go. As you said I have to find ways to be creative, it’s so easy not to look outside of the box.

  2. Well said Juli, another heart felt blog and I too am feeling the struggle. I’ve been fortunate or unfortunate enough to have my daughter go to school, being a Key Worker for the last 2 weeks as I really struggled with her at home. We were all just so angry all the time and that’s not how I want to live my life. Something has to give.
    So I try to communicate better with her, and try to have less screen time.
    Another friend said to me the other day ‘let the teachers bring them up to speed when they go back’ We parents can continue to build dens and worry about the washing up later. 😀
    Let’s stay safe and see how we get on x

    1. Thank you for taking the time to read, I really appreciate it. Its true what you say about just having fun.

  3. Your blogs always inspire me to do more, to look for the positives everyday! Esp. During this time, quarantine is tough.

    1. Tell me about it! Its definitely a time of ups and downs. I just happy that I am more up than down.

  4. Juggling hats and spinning plates, I hear you on that. And the mental health impact is the biggest casualty I think. Fear of the virus is more far reaching I think. We have to pull together to tackle that. As for your birthday I got some nice ideas when I asked online about our anniversary: get a musician to play live outside your house, order in amazing food (I can share the companies recommended to me)- maybe do a Zoom and get everyone to order food from the same place, someone suggested a pub quiz via Zoom, I am doing pamper parties online. Hope you feel the love despite the lack of real life connection 😘

  5. The Mum guilt is real! Sounds like you’re doing a great job though! Especially without another pair of hands to help. I hope you get to celebrate the big birthday in style even if it isn’t how you imagined 🥳

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